116-Intro

Where to begin...introduction, my name is Fred, & on the first day of summer in 1966 I met the person who created the greatest ripple to ever pass through my life; greater even

than the current waves of grief I am now enduring. There's a phrase from a song i love that describes it perfectly: 


'you were passing me by when you caught my eye...I have never seen a dream go walking like the way you did that day, stole my heart away, please keep it dear till we're old and gray...' 


Well, she did and she did, stole my heart and kept it. From that day in 1966 until she passed, we were involved in some way every day (my going overseas not withstanding). We married and had 3 wonderful children, Donna made a fine home for us where ever that might be.

I can truly say she was number one in thinking of others and in putting me first...I'll miss that about her. There is no doubt in my mind that i have been blessed with having had her in my life and I am grateful for that. The current sea of pain and confusion I find myself in is scary (read different, new) and unwanted. Understanding that life goes on, that the wheel must come full circle, that this is the natural order of things, that everybody gets a turn,does very little to ease the magnitude of the loss or the depth of the pain. I'm (in no particular order) sad, angry, lost, shocked, dumbfounded, scared, hurt.

I could go on, but i believe all of you here know what I mean.

Needed to put this down in writing, needed to see the words on the page, mabey to help me accept  the facts of the situation, to understand that yes, it really happened. Some days I cry, some days I just think about our life together. I hesitate to say i want her back only because I would not want her to have to endure the pain & misery of the illness. For years my prayers ended with 'Your will, not mine, be done', these are the times that the faith in what you say you believe is challenged; I've been saying it, now I need to act like I truly believe it. It is tough, the toughest thing I've ever done in my life.

It never occurred to me that I would be so sad and lonely.