Gift3

When L-T---, our third and youngest daughter was born, we thought we were really ready; I was almost done with school, we had actually planned for her and we were not under threat from any creditors. We were barely 25 and after two previous children we figured we had things pretty much under control as far as handling babies and understanding how to bring up children goes. I knew LT was a bit different when she was first brought home...the oversized bonnet she was wearing would prove not to be too large for long. She actually turned the home routine upside down...early on she displayed what would be a continuing tendency throughout her life, getting her own way.  It may have been because she was the new baby of the family and it had been two years since that had been the case in our house...it may have been because the four of us fawned over her so much, whatever the true reason it is safe to say, she got her own way most of the time...

At this time DJ was still working days, with me running the house during those hours and going to school at night. This was somewhat of a novel idea at the time, the father during the housekeeping duties, but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything in the world. For the most part, I had the opportunity to watch all my children grow up in that newborn to 4 years age range for at least eight hours a day and learned many things during that time. DJ had versed me in the foibles of small children and I thought I had a pretty good grasp of things like, sugar free treats, nap times, rashes, bored babies and fevers...the latter I was told could be detected from more than one orifice of the body...never knew that til then...though I'm sure the children probably wished I had been kept ignorant, at least of that last one. LT proved to be a handful for me,her refusing to adhere to designated nap and feeding times being only the start. To get attention it was her usual practice to eject the bottle from her crib and then look wide eyed to see who would do the honors of retrieving it...usually me. This really disrupted the daily nap time so I decided to end her practice of this by tying the bottle to one of the crib uprights with a length of heavy string...bad idea...at nap time the very first instance I did that, I had barely dozed when visions of her laying there with the string wrapped around her neck appeared to me...string was removed and I resorted to disapproving faces and strong reprimands...all to no avail. I do know this much, when DJ was around this never happened. By watching DJ interact with her and see the pure delight she derived from that child, I soon let go of the resentment I had regarding the whole bottle thing and life moved on. Sometimes when DJ had an off day during the week, while the older kids were in school, the three of us would take outings...proud young parents with their offspring...those memories are returning to me now.  

As LT grew older I began to notice some slightly disturbing things about her personality, tho only three or four at the time, she displayed stubbornness beyond her years...she came to exhibit a certain contrary-ness that I did not think would not serve her well later in life and made attempts to adjust that particular aspect...she naturally resisted...but I also found her to be extremely honest and fiercely loyal. Finally after discussing some of this with DJ, she pointed out to me that all I was seeing was a reflection of myself. DJ said she had seen those things long ago and too bad I was late to the party...I think she drew great pleasure from informing me of this. I had noticed  the subtle kindness and downright honest humor she had obviously inherited from DJ, but those things? Me?...Around this time, I was almost done with school, and DJ and I were about to switch roles, with me taking a full time job during the day. It was the beginning of summer and we were making plans to move to a larger apartment. During the day LT and I would go to the new apartment and make some repair and updates that were needed before we could move in; DJ and I had made arrangements with the owner to do this in return for some rent free months; actually we had made a pretty good deal. This particular day as I went about doing various tasks and LT explored what was to be our new home, I began to replace a damaged section of Oak flooring which a radiator, over the years had stained, badly. LT came over to where I was, as I removed the last of the bad pieces and I noticed a glint off of something wedged between some sub-floor boards; using a screwdriver I pried a dingy and discolored Quarter out. As LT was squatting there next to me, I wiped it lightly against my pants leg and held it our to her. She looked at me, then down at the coin and then back into my face...oh, I got the message; I stood up and motioned for her to follow me, and we went to the kitchen where I had been boiling water for some paint brushes I needed to soften. I plunked the Quarter in the pot, and we returned to what we were doing. Later, after she watched me retrieve the coin, clean and scour it lightly with some steel wool, she accepted it when I offered it again. That evening when I conveyed the story to DJ, she laughed and said simply, ''...hell, that's your princess...''... Many years later when we would be sitting around the table after Sunday dinner, she would recount that day...over the years, I had thought she had forgotten all about it.

There were other things LT did to express her ideas on the way things should be; after graduating from high school she had decided to work for a year to buy a car before leaving for college...DJ and I had offered to help her buy a used one, with my suggestion being, given her temperament, a 1958 Chrysler 4 door, (this was around 1992) but she thought not. She said she wanted a one that was  brand new...oh well, I tried. The 18 worked the entire year and bought that car. Of course it had every problem under the sun...it really did. So the 'to the dealer and back' shuttle began, but it didn't last long, after about the third time and numerous call to dealers, and the manufacturer, LT simply stopped paying for the car...she stopped driving it and it sat in back of where we lived for a while. It did no good for me to try and explain the separation of finance company and car dealer...to her it was simple proposition...she bought the item...it didn't work...she wasn't paying for the item.  Of course the car was repossessed and there followed calls to a lawyer friend, the manufacturer and the Lemon Law folks...Within a very short time, LT had another brand new car, no mark against her credit record, and year's free oil and lube service from some local dealer. 

DJ knew a lot of things I had no ideas about and I think she really relished doling that knowledge out to me, many times only after I had reached the point of exasperation about some given situation.  I never held that against her, I think I loved her even more for being that way...and she knew about this; all along she had been saying ''...I feel sorry for them...''. 

As I recall these memories now, as they begin to come back to me in a form I can recognize and deal with It only deepens my love and respect for DJ...that I can recall them and actually realize the pain is not so great anymore makes all this even better. Not only did she leave me the legacy of our love, these children, these gifts that DJ left me are providing me with the calming knowledge that I can feel that she is still with me in a more tangible way. For that I will be forever humble and properly grateful.