130-Best Friends

 Recently, in going over our lives together, naturally I thought about when I first met Donna and the events that led to us eventually getting together.  It had been a struggle to deal with this memory  without coming to tears.

Before I officially met Donna, I had seen her; I had been a paperboy (when there was such a person ), and their house had been one of my stops.  I remember seeing her and her sister there.  Sometimes when I would stop by to get paid and she would send me to where her mother worked to collect for the subscription... strange that a few years later I would be introduced to her and have my heart stolen by her at that introduction.  A word about best friends…of course Donna became my best friend and more, but in the beginning, my best friend B--- had introduced me to his girlfriend…Donna...  Maybe I wasn’t his best friend because as soon as I met her my mind turned to how I could make her my best friend.  I know, I acted like a pig, but I don't apologize.   

In our last year of high school B--- and I  had become best friends, somewhat.  He and I would talk about the people we knew and the things we did away from school, and I had learned about his friends and his girlfriend.  I had not met her yet.  As graduation drew near, he and I made plans to hang out that summer.  On the last day of school after class we went to the block where he lived, and that’s when I met her.  She has been in my life and mind ever since...  Anyway, as the summer progressed, B--- and Donna seemed to drift apart, not from anything I was actively doing but because of their situation in general.  B--- had already let it be known that he was working that summer to save money to go to California and because Donna had another year before she graduated, he would be going alone and send for her later. There was another girl I met on his block and she and I and B--- and Donna became inseparable.  It was all innocent enough, but B--- worked many hours that summer and most times it was just me and the two girls.  At the time I was the only one with a car and the three of us would drive everywhere.  The more I was around her, the more I recognized how much Donna was in my thoughts, actually, she was driving me crazy.

Towards the end of the summer B--- left for California and Donna was devastated; of course my shoulder was always there for her to cry on, and though it was painful sometimes, i would listen to her as she described her feelings of disappointment.   We three that remained became even closer, doing more and more things together, bowling, hobby shops, museums  &ct.  Those were great times and I actually became a fixture at Donna’s house, that’s where our group would hang out and where I would meet my girl.  I ingratiated myself to her family and let it be known to the other male friends that hung around exactly  where my sights were set.  I gently began to insinuate myself into her thoughts (or tried to).  B--- and Donna’s long distance relationship was showing signs of wear and by the time the new year rolled around I think it was pretty much a done deal…B--- not coming home for that Christmas and along with the many insecurities 17-18 year old girls have, well, it was too much.  I think the final straw for Donna was when B--- said he wouldn’t be able to be there for her Prom.  By this time I was no longer with the girl I had been seeing (surprise) and Donna and I had become a ‘just friends’ couple…yeah, right.  We still went places, did things together and talked...during this time Donna and I had talked about our hopes for the future, our dreams, our likes and dislikes…what our plans were, we talked about everything.  I think we really got to know each other and I was falling even harder for her.  Up to his point we were not romantically linked, no physical involvement but man, she was running around in my head for sure!  Anyway it was decided that we would go to her Prom together as 'just friends' (another yeah, right, please)...we went to that Prom and had one hell of an adventure (that’s another story for another time…).  As we sat in the car in front of her house in the wee hours of that morning, I explained to her that my girl would’ve went to California with me…that I would’ve waited until my girl graduated, that at the very least I would have made it to my girl’s Prom and graduation.  Yes, now I was actively pursuing her, the proverbial cat was out of the bag.  

After that night and morning it was settled, it was the two of us from then on.  Within a couple of weeks visions of the motorcycle I had been saving for faded and Donna had an engagement ring on her finger.  Later that year when B--- returned home for a visit, we all went to dinner together and had a very adult conversation. 

Tragically, many years later B--- would be found dead in a Chicago hotel room...he had been dead for a few days.  The three of us had remained friends over the years and he had  visited our home many times over those years when he would come to town, his loss hit us hard.

This memory does not bring me pain now; it brings me much joy. Up to this point, 3 mos., I think I had made a conscious effort to avoid this specific memory about how we first got together, that was bothering me; I didn’t want to remember that sweet time of our youth and the events that brought us together because it was too painful, it brought me to tears, but I understand that to go forward through this grief, all memories have to have a proper fit in the new life along with all the rest.  I have to be able to recall it without too much regret and pain.  The words I offer in these pages are not intended to be a guide for anyone else, they are the ramblings of someone who is struggling to get some perspective not only on a long term personal relationship with someone, and the loss of that relationship,  but also on the larger picture of life itself.  I believe that’s what this whole thing is about, living and understanding what we can about this wonderful gift we call life.  This grieving is only a portion of that life, and i don't want it to be the only definition of me or my life.

  The passage of time, short as it has been, has allowed me to be able to visit that memory comfortably.  As I reexamine this and other memories, It gives me hope that this entire process can blended into a new life and that the new life does not have to be painful...well not too painful.

pax

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“I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart) I am never without it (anywhere I go, you go), my dear…” -eecummings