
“When you smile at me, you know I will understand ‘cause that’s something everybody, everywhere, does in the same language…”
(Jefferson Airplane-1969)
This has to be one of my all time favorite opening lines
from any song. Yeah, the Airplane is alright,
Donna didn’t think much of them though…anyway, from the first time I heard
those words, they struck a chord in me.
Think about it, a smile is universal, it doesn’t require you to learn a
second language to communicate, it transcends all boundaries of culture, race,
creed, color, or national origin. It can
allow you to convey a certain message to anyone, anywhere in the world. I love Donna’s smile, when I see it in a
picture or think of it I still get Goosebumps.
It’s something that we can do daily and it won’t cost us a thing; it is
said that it takes more energy and facial muscles to make a frown rather than
to smile. I don’t know about that, but I
do know that a smile is powerful. Now,
this is not to say that all smiles are welcomed or sought out, some smiles we
would just as soon as ignore; the leering smile, the smile from an unwanted
admirer, or the smile of arrogance some folks love to display. Here, I’m talking about the desired smile,
the smile that you seek out and hunger for.
The smiles from the special people in our lives. Although I’m finding it difficult to smile at
times these days, that does not diminish the power of a smile or the fact that
we human beings respond to them.
A smile can come to the rescue when words seem inadequate,
when the moment demands silence and any attempt at conversation would be
futile. I’m sure the world could use
more smiles, I know I wouldn’t mind more of them. Of course we human beings can find fault with
anything, and that includes smiles; you go around smiling too much and you may
appear suspicious to some people, or have them think you’re a candidate for the
backwards shirt. That’s sad in a way
because I’m sure, a smile has helped many a person through a trying time. Through this process they have helped me;
smiles from friends and family just when I needed it has made this journey
somewhat easier. I hoped that in most
cases I have been able to respond in kind, but I’m sure I have fallen short on
that score. As I say, they have been a comfort
to me and in part, this is what prompted me to string these words together. I had not realized how much I missed Donna’s
smile until I came across a particularly good picture of her at our youngest
daughter’s wedding. Though in the midst
of the illness, in that picture she appeared as if she didn’t have a care in
the world, as if that wedding and the ensuing party would go on forever…as if
we would go on forever. Although deep
down we knew different, that day, her smile had even me convinced that all was
right with world, and mabey, just mabey, it was.
Of course this was not the first time I had seen that type
of smile from her, over the years I had seen it many times on many different
occasions. But now, at the wedding it
just seemed to be even more special. I remember the smile she had when I told
her how I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, marry her and make a
home with her, when I explained to her that I had thought it out, and she had
to be mine, I remember how all those many years ago she smiled with pride as I
asked her to wear my class ring and later how she beamed as her friends made a
fuss over her engagement ring and our plans for marriage. I remember how she
would smile when we shared a special moment such as me getting her something
she really wanted, or her smile to me, when she did the same for me; the smile
she had when as a young parent she would look at our children …these simple acts,
this smiling endeared me to her and now has me longing to see it again, in the
flesh. Over our last 4 years together we
had many chances for smiles and we tried to make the best of those
chances. We were really blessed in that
regard.
I only mention this in the hope that we all may
reconsider the simple smile and offer it to others more often, especially those
people we say we love and care about. Offer that smile even tho we may not really feel like it; it's easy to smile when things are going great, not so easy when the world keeps throwing us curve ball after curve ball. I
sincerely believe that our world cannot have too many of them. A couple of days before she took her final
breath, as I sat, tears streaming down my face, holding her in my arms, telling her how special she was and
how much we all loved her, telling her how much I loved her, I looked at her
face, trying to take in everything about it and hoping for a smile.
By this time she was in and out of consciousness speech had all but deserted her, and it was difficult to
tell what she actually heard although it appeared she would respond sometimes.
As I watched her and talked to her, I told a
private joke we shared from years ago; I’m not sure because my mind was not in
the best shape at that time, but I choose to believe that as I told that joke,
I saw that familiar smile come across her face, that smile i love so much; i think she smiled...i hope she smiled....she did smile. Despite everything that was happening, that
made me smile too.
pax
“I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my
heart) I am never without it (anywhere I go, you go), my dear…” -eecummings
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